Monday, July 24, 2006

The Quest for the Best of the Breast

At Saturday's auditions for the Suns dance team, over 200 hopefuls bared their souls to a panel of judges, vying for a spot on the celebrated dance squad. One dancer also bared something else. According to Dan Bickley, contestant #249 "pulled a Janet Jackson" during her audition. Well, apparently 249 didn't "stack" up against the competition because neither she nor her titties made the cut.

[Because of its graphic nature, the following picture has been pixilated.]

According to the judges, a WM (Wardrobe Malfunction) leads to an automatic DQ. But Miss 249 -- who spoke to SunsGossip on condition of anonymity -- is claiming boobotage. She told SunsGossip that someone untied her bikini string while she was dancing, causing her to be disqualified. Who would do such a thing?

SunsGossip talked to Phoenix Mercury mascot Scorch, who was all too eager to sit down for a little T& about Boobgate. Scorch was on the scene at the moment the tits hit the fan and claims to have seen veteran Suns dancer Gina pulling Miss 249's bikini string. But he also stated that he later saw Gina making out with Miss 249, and then quoted at length directly from the dialogue of "Showgirls."

Other dancers on the scene reported seeing 249 intentionally expose her bosoms. The Phoenix Suns Gorilla corroborated this story, claiming that Miss 249 was merely reacting to his primate mating call.

Miss 249 flatly denies accusations that her WM was intentional. "One of those dancers did this on purpose. She must have been salty because she wasn't as hot as me." Even if this was the work of a striptease saboteur, she wasn't the only one to end audition day a little salty. Saline teardrops indeed for Miss 249 and the end of her short but spectacular Flashdance career.


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