Out of Office Auto-Reply

We at SunsGossip will be out of the office until the first week of January. Aww, stop crying! While we're gone, please amuse yourself with our associates at the NBA FanHouse (your girl Miss Gossip will be doing some light posting over there).

Also check out MINORITEAM!, our side-hustle blog. Warning: contains racial humor (of the funny variety). Below are a few archive highlights to get you started. Happy New Year!

From your girl Dominikimchee:
-Dateline-style supermarket exposé: Racial Stereotypes in the Cereal Aisle
-Hard-hitting historical reporting: How Dark Was "Separate but Equal" Plessy?
-Everyday eyerolls: Talking ATL with a White Lady

From Boris-stalking accomplice LaTowna:
-Oakland police department blotter: Getting Pulled Over
-Workplace woes: Trying Not to Go Ethnic
-Borderline cartoon copyright infringement: The Palo Alto Bubble

From Nuggets enthusiast Nigeri-Negro:
-Advice for young black men: Nigeri-Negro's Guide to Making a Dinner Reservation
-Learnings from late-night studying: Infomercial Reviews



Peace!

Interview with the Suns Mascot

[WARNING: the following interview contains some adult language. That Gorilla sure is a potty-mouth. KIDDING! This entire conversation took place only in SunsGossip's imagination.]

Instead of working on number 16 of the winning streak tonight, the Suns were stuck in Denver making snow angels (the Nuggs game was postponed because of blizzard conditions). Well, this is just the kind of slow news day that begs for an interview with the affable Phoenix Suns mascot!

Suns fans know "Go" as the goofy gorilla that gets the home crowd going. But behind that plastic smile is a complex and sometimes troubled soul. SunsGossip sat down with the dark fellow a few months ago for a look into the personal side of being the Phoenix Suns Gorilla.

SunsGossip: You were rumored to have been involved with veteran Suns dancers and resident hottie Gina. Is she a possible Mrs. Go?

Go: No... sadly, she dumped me. Towards the end we were just fighting too much. She had a hard time handling my addiction.

SunsGossip: What was your problem? Alcohol? Drugs?

Go: No, I was a fiend for the yellow mouth-candy! Banana splits, banana yogurt, banana bread, you name it. I go "ape" for bananas!

SunsGossip: Go "ape"? Aren’t you a gorilla?

Go: Gorilla, ape... same difference. We’re all party primates.

SunsGossip: Moving on....What has been your most memorable moment as the Suns mascot?

Go: I would have to say it was a year ago when I met Magic Johnson. Not only is he a basketball legend, but he’s done so much in life. I got my picture taken with him that night after the game. This picture is my most prized possession – I carry it everywhere.

SunsGossip: This is a picture of you and Charles Barkley.

Go: I love you, Magic!

SunsGossip: Right...um, so, what has been one of the low points of your mascot career?

Go: Having to ride onto the Suns court on a motorcycle with Tara Reid. That bitch was a hot mess.

SunsGossip: That’s not very nice!

Go: But it’s true. Even Scorch the Phoenix Mercury mascot wouldn’t hit that. And that fool is always "in heat."

SunsGossip: You’re killing us with these puns.

Go: What can I say, I’m one "punny" son of a bitch!

SunsGossip: Yes you are.

Go: Make sure you spell that S-U-N... “Sun of a bitch.”

3D for 3D...Plus a Poem by HERD

Shout out to Jason from lowpost.net and Atma Brother #1 from Golden State of Mind for being good sports about tonight's game. The Golden State Dubs gave Phoenix a little scare but ultimately added their names to the list of casualties in the Suns' 13-win streak. Ohhhh. Now we finally get why people in the stands were holding "Lucky 13" signs. It wasn't just for Nash. Good one.

Highlight stat of the game is the triple double for our boy 3D aka Boris Diaw (Diaw Diaw). That's his first one of the season, although he came very close in the last meeting with the Warriors.

In other news, loyal reader HERD has got it bad for the Suns and sends this:

I just love SUNS

Music- John Lennon

So this is Xmas,
And wadda you know
The Suns are the best ones
And the season just began

So this is Xmas,
Suns best in the West
"Whatever we'll do with
Steve Nash and the rest?"

The answer is nothing
The answer is nil
Don't even attempt it
Or you in for a kill.

You can be monstrous (Shaq)
And you can be tall (Yao)
But Stevie is the best one
And he's the best of them all
(and humble too)

Love , HERD (little drunk)

We're Nestle When It's Crunch Time

It's exam crunch time and our old friend Howie is cracking the whip and trying to make us study. Please don't tell him, but we may have caught today's Suns-Bobcats game anyway. The commentators were talking again about Diaw being fat, but we don't really see it. Let us know what you think -- the full story with scandalous pictures is over at the FanHouse.

318 Points = 318 Free Tacos

Suns fans in Phoenix were beside themselves after tonight’s 161-157 win over the Nets. No, not because it was a double-overtime thriller. They were juiced because the Suns scored above 150 – which, as always, means that you can get a FREE taco from the Pink Taco (Boris and Amare like to go down there sometimes, by the way). You must be wearing Suns gear to receive your taco. While supplies last. E. Coli not included.

Pretty Fly for a Pat Burke

Big up to our boy Nate for sending us to his man on the street who set us up with some dude in a janky establishment fronting as a travel agency who hooked us up with a semi-bootleg League Pass subscription. For real, League Pass is the hotness. Although we promise to use its evils only to watch the Suns.

Following are our highlights from tonight’s 127-102 home win against the Kings. The Kings were playing without Ron-Ron Artest, who allegedly had an “ailing back” but clearly was just afraid of getting on the floor with Raja Bell (who had released that caustic diss track after their last encounter)...

1. Nash tries to sweet talk the lady ref and she promptly hands him a tech. D’Antoni comes to Stevie’s defense and gets a technical himself. Hot!

2. End of the first quarter, Shawn Marion hits an ill buzzer-beater -- then runs through the tunnel high-fiving fools. He thinks it’s halftime. Jalen Rose clowns him.

3. Raja Bell makes his third trey of the night. He’s trying to tie the record of seven straight games with four or more three’s. D’Antoni takes him out of the game. Hater!

4. Late in the fourth, the Suns are up by about a zillion points. D’Antoni clears the bench and throws all the “team” players on the floor. Plus Raja. Someone gave Coach the word. How embarrassing.

5. The Kings are wondering why every single play is setting Raja up for a three. Unfortunately Ra-Ra is not able to complete.

6. Ice-cold Pat Burke, who is seeing his first minutes since about the Clinton era, hits three three-pointers in the span of 1:20. The crowd goes nuts. Everyone loves the heartwarming story of a white boy off the bench!

Someone Impersonating SunsGossip on NBA FanHouse

Give a warm spanking to the newborn NBA FanHouse! It's pretty tight. Super-hottie Jamie Mottram pulled together nine heavy-hitters to cover the entire league, including our bestest homies Nate from Jones on the NBA and Mutoni from Bench Renaldo/Slamonline, plus blogger crush Skeets from The Basketball Jones, freak-a-lik Shoals from freedarko.com, dynamic duo Brett and Craig from The Association, one-name-wonder The Big Lead, ex-con Matt from Detroit Bad Boys, and the banana-fanna-fo-fighty mighty mjd.

All good times. But then the 10th NBA FanHouse member is this B who is totally biting on our SunsGossip style. She's even calling herself Miss Gossip. Wiggity wiggity wack! We'd say more, but folks are probably overloaded with intellectual property talk today. We'll see you in court, Miss Gossip!